#1

When you at the beach and a girl just got stung by a jellyfish
When you at the beach and a girl just got stung by a jellyfish

#2

got pain?
got pain?

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#3

me sneaking into the kitchen with no pants on at 2:24 am to eat shredded cheese
me sneaking into the kitchen with no pants on at 2:24 am to eat shredded cheese

#4

"Oh wow have you been working out?
“Oh wow have you been working out?

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#5

I wrecked your toilet
I wrecked your toilet


#6

When ur anxiety goes away and having no anxiety gives you anxiety
When ur anxiety goes away and having no anxiety gives you anxiety

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#7

The outburst I had at JoAnn's Fabrics is not reflective of who I am.
The outburst I had at JoAnn’s Fabrics is not reflective of who I am.

#8

I hate it when you see a sign and suddenly your plans are ruined
I hate it when you see a sign and suddenly your plans are ruined

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#9

Finally I can stop eating it off the pavement, thank you
Finally I can stop eating it off the pavement, thank you

#10

I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you how you need to be "saved" or you'll "burn" Stupid firemen.
I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you how you need to be “saved” or you’ll “burn” Stupid firemen.

#11

yes
yes

#12

Don't talk to me or my sons ever again
Don’t talk to me or my sons ever again

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#13

When you're eating at a restaurant and the manager hits you with an overly aggressive "How is everything?!"
When you’re eating at a restaurant and the manager hits you with an overly aggressive “How is everything?!”

#14

You look absolutely nothing like Shrek 5
You look absolutely nothing like Shrek 5

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#15

Just saw this in my morning class..
Just saw this in my morning class..

#16

weight lifters hate him
weight lifters hate him

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#17

Blease stop Dutch is barely a respectable language as it already is
Blease stop Dutch is barely a respectable language as it already is

#18

Dad, what is an alcoholic?
Dad, what is an alcoholic?

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#19

Do not buy a dog when you're drunk
Do not buy a dog when you’re drunk

#20

DOES IT MOVE?
DOES IT MOVE?

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#21

WHEN I AM HIGH AND TALKING TO A TREE BUT HE WONT ANSWER
WHEN I AM HIGH AND TALKING TO A TREE BUT HE WONT ANSWER

#22

Im doing my entire car interior with crystals
Im doing my entire car interior with crystals

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#23

disgusting how these so-called "vegans" still drink water. that's a fish's house you sick fuck.
disgusting how these so-called “vegans” still drink water. that’s a fish’s house you sick fuck.


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