1.

Math teacher... Why you never taught me this?
Math teacher… Why you never taught me this?

2.

Sometimes i wish i was an octopus, So i could slap 8 people at once.
Sometimes i wish i was an octopus, So i could slap 8 people at once.

3.

Just because I can't sing, doesn't mean I won't sing.
Just because I can’t sing, doesn’t mean I won’t sing.
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4.

DEAR STOMACH, you're bored, ' not hungry.
DEAR STOMACH, you’re bored, ‘ not hungry.

5.

WHEN A WOMAN SAYS "WHAT?" It's not because she didn't hear do you. She's giving you a chance to change what you said.
WHEN A WOMAN SAYS “WHAT?” It’s not because she didn’t hear do you. She’s giving you a chance to change what you said.

6.

SOCIETY IS FUNNY. THEY ASK YOU TO BE YOURSELF AND YET THEY JUDGE YOU.
SOCIETY IS FUNNY. THEY ASK YOU TO BE YOURSELF AND YET THEY JUDGE YOU.
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7.

I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be? 't. Some people are starting to take it as a challenge.
I have to stop saying “How stupid can you be? ‘t. Some people are starting to take it as a challenge.

8.

All it takes is a beautiful fake smile to hide an injured soul and they will never notice how broken you really are.
All it takes is a beautiful fake smile to hide an injured soul and they will never notice how broken you really are.

9.

SOME PEOPLE JUST NEED A '*HIGH-FIVE. In the face. With a chair.
SOME PEOPLE JUST NEED A ‘*HIGH-FIVE. In the face. With a chair.
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10.

This is a good point that the libs wont even dare try to debate.
This is a good point that the libs wont even dare try to debate.

11.

I'm currently suffering fro NDTDA: NO DESIRE TO DO ANYTHING syndrome!!
I’m currently suffering fro NDTDA: NO DESIRE TO DO ANYTHING syndrome!!

12.

Sometimes I talk to myself, but only when I need expert advice.
Sometimes I talk to myself, but only when I need expert advice.

13.

I'm not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.
I’m not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.
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14.

BREAKING NEWS Common sense is now an endangered species. Stupidity has taken over the world and unfortunately there is no known cure.
BREAKING NEWS Common sense is now an endangered species. Stupidity has taken over the world and unfortunately there is no known cure.

15.

You don't have to be crazy to hang out with me. I'll train you.
You don’t have to be crazy to hang out with me. I’ll train you.

16.

THINGS TO DO TODAY: 1. GET UP 2. SURVIVE 3. CO BACK TO BED
THINGS TO DO TODAY: 1. GET UP 2. SURVIVE 3. CO BACK TO BED
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17.

I don't need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off.
I don’t need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off.

18.

If we're not meant to have midnight snacks. why is there a light in the fridge?
If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks. why is there a light in the fridge?

19.

I hope we never get tired of making fun of each other.
I hope we never get tired of making fun of each other.
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20.

That moment when you walk into a spider web and suddenly turn info a karate master.
That moment when you walk into a spider web and suddenly turn info a karate master.

21.

FOLLOW YOUR HEART BUT TAKE YOUR BRAIN WITH YOU
FOLLOW YOUR HEART BUT TAKE YOUR BRAIN WITH YOU

22.

Crazy Friends + Good Times = Amazing Memories.
Crazy Friends + Good Times = Amazing Memories.

23.

When you judge me without knowing me, you don't define me, you define yourself.
When you judge me without knowing me, you don’t define me, you define yourself.
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24.

EVERY MOTHER ON EARTH CAVE BIRTH TO A CHILD EXCEPT MY MOM, SHE CAVE BIRTH TO LEGEND. HIGH FIVE MOM.
EVERY MOTHER ON EARTH CAVE BIRTH TO A CHILD EXCEPT MY MOM, SHE CAVE BIRTH TO LEGEND. HIGH FIVE MOM.

25.

IF YOU WRITE A BOOK ABOUT FAILURE, AND IT DOESN'T SELL, IS IT CALLED SUCCESS?
IF YOU WRITE A BOOK ABOUT FAILURE, AND IT DOESN’T SELL, IS IT CALLED SUCCESS?

26.

My brain is like the Bermuda triangle. Information goes in and then it's never found again.
My brain is like the Bermuda triangle. Information goes in and then it’s never found again.
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27.

Every day at work I wonder if this going to be the day I accidentally scream 'SHUT THE FUCK UP • out loud instead of just in my head
Every day at work I wonder if this going to be the day I accidentally scream ‘SHUT THE FUCK UP • out loud instead of just in my head

28.

201 Z AND STILL LISTENING TO 80'S MUSIC
201 Z AND STILL LISTENING TO 80’S MUSIC

29.

Being the strong one
Being the strong one
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30.

Sometimes, I forget how to spell a word so I beat my son out of anger
Sometimes, I forget how to spell a word so I beat my son out of anger

31.

There is no cure
There is no cure

32.

Having a rough day? Place gour hand over your heart. Feel That? I That's called purpose. You're alive for a reason. DON'T GIVE UP.
Having a rough day? Place gour hand over your heart. Feel That? I That’s called purpose. You’re alive for a reason. DON’T GIVE UP.

33.

The biggest lie I tell myself is 'I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it !'
The biggest lie I tell myself is ‘I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it !’

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