1.

"l only hang out with guys because they never start drama" Please read a history textbook

2.

"Oh, fine, I'll have just one bite." Narrator: She was, in fact, going to have more than one bite. She was about to eat the whole gd thing.

3.

LIFE WOULD BE A LOT MORE FUN IF EVERYONE'S MIDDLE MOTHERFUCKIN'

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4.

In my defense I was left unsupervised

5.

Young enough to know I can. Old Enough to know I shouldn't. Stupid enough to do it anyway!

6.

Never judge a book by it's movie

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7.

and for my next trick i'll break my own heart by exaggerating my place in other people's lives

8.

I'VE CUT OUT SUGAR AND CARBS FROM MY DIET. WHICH MEANS I'VE ALSO CUT OUT HAPPINESS.

9.

you're annoying but you Jove me doesn't make you less annoying

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10.

what's more painful than heartbreak ?

11.

I don't dress up for boys. I dress up to stare at my reflection as I walk by store windows.

12.

Last year I was miserable and depressed but this year I turned that shit around so I'm depressed and miserable now

13.

A strong woman looks a challenge in the eye and gives it a wink

14.

OUR BEER IS COLD AS YOUR EX'S HEART

15.

"Wear a skirt with me tomorrow"

16.

MY MIND IS LIKE MY INTERNET BROWSER

17.

me listening to everyone's problems even though no one listens to mine

18.

I don't hate you but if you were on fire and i had water. I would drink it.

19.

I am a star because i just am

20.

every time a man tells me to stop whining about feminism, i feel like saying "you first"

21.

You lost me at "You don't believe in aliens"

22.

TOO alien for earth, too human for outer space.

23.

you're so cute i could just eat you out i mean up no i don't

24.

GROWING UP, I HAD AN IMAGINARY FRIEND. TODAY, I HAVE HUNDREDS OF THEM. THANKS FACEBOOK.

25.

Well i am going through a rough patch

26.

I hate how after an argument, I managed to think of really clever stuff I should have said.

27.

Men are attracted to confidence more than tits, ass, or face. There's nothing sexier than a woman who refuses to give a fuck.

28.

The trick is to not let people know how weird you are until it's too late for them to back out.

29.

Today I was a hero. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle

30.

I am gonna order pizza

31.

Living on earth may be tough, but it includes a free ride around the sun every year.

32.

'STOP BEING OFFENDED BY EVERYTHING' screams John, who gets instantly enraged when he sees the word feminist or vegan or trans or any other group of people he doesn't understand

33.

wanna come over and nap?

34.

SAD, LONELY AND BAD AT MATH

35.

I used to think I was indecisive

36.

I don't need alcohol to make bad decisions

37.

college was a scam but at least they blessed us with ID cards that have no date on them, student discounts still hittin'

38.

the girl in front of me in the lecture was watching grey's anatomy, looked back and saw me staring so she put on the subtitles. girls support girls.

39.

"Girls night" is actually a committee meeting where they decide if you're worth her time for another week.. I'm wild nervous tbh.


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