mom: youre not sick let me see.,omg honey you are sooo fucking Siiiick go back to sleep ill call the school
Roses are red . True love is rare Booty booty booty booty Rocking everywhere
Cashier: Wanna buy a graham cracker?
Guy: A gram of what? And please don’t
call me “cracker”, it’s racist.
Have you ever thought to yourself. what’s the
most 90s thing that could ever feasibly exist”?
Well, wonder no more.
If your party isn’t this lit, don’t bother inviting me.
fuck, my mom is gonna kill me
I miss you even when I’m not horny.
ME: hey I’m taking a sick day
BOSS: but you don’t have a cold or
ME: not that kind of sick nerd *kickflips
No one tums me on and off quite the way you do.
“IM GONNA SPANK YOU UNTIL YOU STOP HANGING OUT WITH DEQUAN”
when you leave her place after two hours only kissing
TRUMP: summer loving had me a blast
HILLARY: summer loving happened so
To catch a fish, you have to think like a fish.
the cops are already on their way to your house you sick little fuck.
May your day be filled with consensual sexts.
When you fingering her and she
says “go faster”
This is literally every goat in the United States.
Things you can say in response to literally anything, when you have nothing else to say:
When you thought you were gonna be out of place at the orgy, but end up having a great time.
I miss you like an old man’s urine stream Misses the toilet.
This is Beans from Even Stevens then and now, feel old yet?
would you please call our children by their real names.
“Do you work for UPS? Cause I saw you checking out my package. Haha the names Bill what’s up sista”
‘What apps do you have on your phone?”
I got Chinese food if you’re hungry
Woman: please don’t ticket me, I’ll do
Woman: yes anything
Cop: will you..
Cop: learn how to fucking drive?
Don’t Boil Your iPhone 6 in Coca-Cola!
When he’s not afraid to nail you right on the couch.